Diary of a Saint: 9/3/2017

The Crux of It

Well, I guess I’ll just be straight about it, friends. I’ve decided to start journalling as a way of keeping up the habit of consistent writing. So this site is essentially my diary now, as well as probably a place where any actual bits of writing I produce will go up. So that’s cool.

But more importantly, pretty key to this exercise is the admittance that I’m doing this for myself in entirety. I want to become a more open person, and if baring my soul upon the internet helps me in that quest, than bare it I shall.

Where I’m at

Well, to understand me, I think it’s pretty important to know a bit about who I am, where I’ve come from, all that jazz. But I only have so much time, and most of my story is a bit sadder than I’d like to get into at the moment, so I’m going to present the relevant facts of my now, instead.

I’m a 25 year old kid that’s learning to make his way in the world. For a long time, I believed that I was only doing the things that I was doing to keep other people happy. It was true, probably. I did the bare minimum of what I had to do, hid from my problems, and hoped that it would all go away. It didn’t. Suffice it to say that my late teens to now have been a hell of a trip.

Emotionally, I always knew I needed a best friend. During my high-school years, I clung to a long distance girlfriend for the emotional support among a peer group I had difficulty connecting with. Sad, I realize, but people do what they need to do to survive, and I do believe that we provided each other strong emotional support, despite all the harm we might have done ourselves. It was a long relationship, and it ended about at college, but only after I had flunked out of my first school. This all turned around before my 22nd birthday. I met the best friend I had been hoping for, we started dating, and by 4 months in she had asked me to marry her.

As I sit here writing this, I am happily married to my darling and best friend of three plus years, and the core of our relationship is our friendship and the fact that we love the time we spend together. We are extremely open with our feelings and we seek to solve our disagreements in ways that are best for us, not just one of us. Belle is my best friend in the whole world. All that might make this next turn a slight surprise to some people: after quite a bit of discussion and a surprising amount of relationship talks that turn sexy, we’ve decided to pursue an open marriage, at least for a bit. Neither Belle nor I are jealous people, so the idea of our partner’s with other people doesn’t bother us, which seems to be most people’s chief concern. As to the stability of our marriage, we’ve experienced nothing but positives from it so far. It allows us to accept our personal flaws or differences in taste more easily. If I want to go somewhere Belle doesn’t like, I can find a buddy who I can go places I would have only wanted to go with Belle. Likewise, if Belle is looking to get schwasted at the club with her loud friends, I’m not responsible for providing that sort of entertainment (it’s not where I shine).

In other news, I’m going back to work as a barista next week at a new coffee cart that’s opening up that I forget the name of. I’m really excited to get back to work, and I’m hoping to use a little of the extra money to get back to climbing at Planet Granite in Portland.

What I’m up to

Well, I’m getting a little tired out at this point, but I guess I should probably finish out the exercise with my hopes and goals for the near future. Immediately, I can say a goal of mine is to work up a two week straight streak of journaling, including the required life experiences to write interesting stuff during that period. It’s not gonna be super easy, and I might fail a few times before I get it right. That said, I’m gonna pick myself up and just start over if I miss a day. No ‘but’s about it.

Aside from that, I’m gonna be working on learning coffee later this week and Belle wanted to get me a bicycle to ride to work, so we might do both of those things, too. Last things that I can think of are that I think I might do some cleaning up around the house today, and that I might go out to play disc golf with Beef Slider and the Lunch Club (a group of my friends since high school).

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